Last night C said that after she graduates our friendsheep is going to be based on Skype dates and messaging and being long distance. I told her I didn’t like that. She said she wants me to come with her. Idk I could do that. I don’t like change. I’ve never just picked up my stuff and moved without a plan.
2:34 pm • 4 September 2014
i’m having this crazy dissociation of having a hard time believing C is real. I mean, I talk to her every few days to every other day. We skype every once in a while. But it just feels like she isn’t real.
Maybe its because I have a hard time believing that she just left me. Even though that isn’t what she did.
When I’m in trouble and I message her, she says she is here for me and she says she loves me. But she isn’t here though. She is just messages/texts on a screen. I force myself to believe that there is a person there. A person that truly cares about me. I just don’t know.
It would help me if we skyped more, like once a week instead of maybe once a month.
But i don’t know how to talk to her about this because I don’t know to really put it into words.
I just want it to be january.
But also I don’t want it to be january. That would mean that an entire year has gone by and I am still struggling to stay alive.
I wanted to be okay by the time she got back.
but that doesn’t seem like a possibility
12:41 pm • 2 September 2014
I can’t fucking believe C.
it seems like she doesn’t fucking care about me at all
12:55 am • 3 August 2014
Tonight I let autumn take control.
I let myself enjoy the darkness instead of hiding it
I let my stay up and watch the sunrise over the city
5:36 am • 26 July 2014
I’m letting go of everything tonight
Tonight I’m letting autumn out
11:30 pm • 25 July 2014
C told me that nothing would change when she left. But everything has changed. everything is fucking different. i feel like I don’t have a best friend anymore.
I just asked to Skype with her. thats all. take 20 fucking minutes to Skype with me. And her answer was that its easier to do brief updates. but she isn’t even giving me those. She hasn’t talked me. I don’t think she cares about me anymore. I don’t think she loves me. I don’t think she needs me.
She lied. everything is fucking different.
she told me that everything would be amazing while she was in oz
but I’m not. everything isn’t amazing. everything is fucking SHIT. everything isn’t worth it.
I don’t think anything will ever be the same. I don’t think it’ll be the same when she comes back. I don’t think it’ll ever be the same. I don’t know how to deal with this loss. I don’t know why I got close to her. I don’t know why I opened up to her. I don’t do this, I don’t open up to people. I keep everything bottled up and hidden from everyone because it is easier then opening up. Cutting people off is easier. This way I don’t get hurt. This way people don’t make things worse. This way I’m save.
I though third time was the charm.
R left or pushed them away
S left or pushed her away
now C is leaving or I’m pushing her away and I don’t know how to stop it
11:44 pm • 19 July 2014
16-year-old trans girl placed in boys' reform school
Jane Doe, the anonymous 16-year-old transgender girl who spent two months in an adult correctional facility despite no criminal charge, has been transferred to a “secure facility for delinquent boys.”
According to DCF officials, while in the psychiatric facility, Doe assaulted a staff member and a fellow youth, and also destroyed DCF property on Saturday night, prompting the final determination of placement at the Juvenile Training School, stating that there is no other “suitable place” for her.
Doe’s lawyer told the AP that DCF has already broken a number of promises regarding his client’s placement, safety, and future prospects. Doe’s attorney claims that DCF officials had assured him that Doe would receive adequate therapy, and that the agency would attempt to place her in a foster home.
Doe is being held in a separate room, away from the boys at JTS.
I don’t have any words for how unjust, inhumane and downright awful this is. #JusticeForJane.
12:32 am • 17 July 2014 • 3,953 notes